How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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