What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
