are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
