Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
