Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
