She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
