what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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