Little spoons don't ask big questions
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
