Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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