I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
