I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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