I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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