I just threw up on my dentist
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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