can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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