She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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