Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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