Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
