i think i have two assholes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
