My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
