if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
