im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
