It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize