Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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