I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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