..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
