i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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