I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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