when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
