dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
