life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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