Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
