There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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