This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize