True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
