from now on my penis is your penis
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
