a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
