I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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