well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
