It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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