That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
