If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
