Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
