Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
