He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
