Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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