I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
