I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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