Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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