life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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