You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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