it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
