It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
