chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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