I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
