PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
