yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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