Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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