She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
