I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
