Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
