you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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