I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
