I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
