Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
