some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize