if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
