finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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