next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Little spoons don't ask big questions
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You're like the curious george of whores
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
